This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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