I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
