Dude my mom stole all your condoms
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
