i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
