so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
