I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
