Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
