She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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