just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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