Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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