Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
