JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
