Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
