shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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