first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
