We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
