So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
