Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?