Texts From Last Night

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  (281): View more from Texas

  I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.

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  (281): I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian. http://tfl.nu/ky2c
  Replies (51) Good night (3668) Bad night (668)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach

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  (813): he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach http://tfl.nu/e6go
  Replies (25) Good night (3069) Bad night (2828)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.

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  (303): Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming. http://tfl.nu/sem8
  Replies (41) Good night (836) Bad night (4529)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex

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  (352): I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex http://tfl.nu/73ql
  Replies (13) Good night (859) Bad night (3938)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  By 8 I mean 9.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  And by 9 I mean 10.

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  (503): One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party. (503): By 8 I mean 9. (503): And by 9 I mean 10. http://tfl.nu/vux8
  Replies (62) Good night (3360) Bad night (5088)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."

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  (201): A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore." http://tfl.nu/zlen
  Replies (22) Good night (3781) Bad night (1852)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?

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  (603): She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep? http://tfl.nu/8ccn
  Replies (11) Good night (1464) Bad night (697)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think she's perpetually drunk

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's all she knows

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  (610): I think she's perpetually drunk (484): It's all she knows http://tfl.nu/wd5u
  Replies (1) Good night (1391) Bad night (607)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"

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  (904): You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!" http://tfl.nu/k8t0
  Replies (4) Good night (1317) Bad night (639)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.

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  (403): I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture. http://tfl.nu/2295
  Replies (7) Good night (965) Bad night (414)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.

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  (541): People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized. http://tfl.nu/aj4f
  Replies (1) Good night (464) Bad night (359)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly

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  (907): Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly http://tfl.nu/1xxm
  Replies (2) Good night (643) Bad night (292)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious

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  (239): We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious http://tfl.nu/iovv
  Replies (6) Good night (711) Bad night (404)
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  (530): View more from California

  as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts

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  (530): as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts http://tfl.nu/n21e
  Replies (3) Good night (890) Bad night (282)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.

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  (850): We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going. http://tfl.nu/jid8
  Replies (2) Good night (382) Bad night (319)

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