a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My friends, they love my intelligence
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"