her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?