I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
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He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
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Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich