I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
