I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.