I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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