Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I didn't notice because vodka
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
