i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
