This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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