Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
