I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
