True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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