My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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