Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
