I'm going to jail i love you
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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