Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
