why didn't you poke me back
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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