I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You are the jesus of drinking
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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