The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
