Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Woke up backwards on a recliner
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
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