Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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