I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
