just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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