I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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