I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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