I love black thongs
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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