Fine. I'll sleep in my office
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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