i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
