we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
