Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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