you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
