census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Come see our sink grown plant.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize