My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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