fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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