K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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