Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
