I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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