I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
