Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I forget how to act sober
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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