What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
