Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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