dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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