As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
