What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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