mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
