tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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