This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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